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Courtney Lynne

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Tired. [Oct. 9th, 2017|12:56 pm]
Courtney Lynne
I'm so...tired.

Tired of being broke and hungry.

Tired of worrying every day about whether I can afford to pay my bills or eat.

Tired of walking everywhere and being too exhausted when I get home to do anything other than take a bath and sleep.

Tired of people being impossible to trust.

Tired of crying every day. Tired of the mood swings.

Tired of being depressed and demotivated.

Tired of being tired.
LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

Sickness [Sep. 30th, 2017|12:24 pm]
Courtney Lynne
[Feeling: |crushedcrushed]
[Noise: |Prof - Church]

I have found myself more and more wanting to just...write down my thoughts. Mostly because my mind is racing with so many thoughts at once that I can barely pinpoint most of them, so maybe — hopefully — getting some of them down in writing will help move them out of my head. One can hope, right?

Almost exactly a year ago, I lost my job as a Store Operations Supervisor. I lost it over a stupid mistake, one that they considered theft even though it really wasn't. CVS tends to treat it's employees like thieves so I guess I shouldn't have been particularly surprised — but I was entirely caught off guard when I was pulled into the office to talk to LP about a money card that I had mistaken for my own and used. A $10 piece of trash destroyed my entire career. My manager didn't even attempt to defend me. I fell into a very deep depression, constantly crying and wanting to kill myself and staying in bed for days. 

Read more...Collapse )
LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

Birthdays [Sep. 30th, 2017|11:41 am]
Courtney Lynne
[Feeling: |annoyedannoyed]

I absolutely cannot stand people who feel the need to tell everyone it's their birthday. How unbelievably narcissistic and attention seeking could you possibly be to be like "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME."?! Fuck. I once had a friend private message me saying "Hey, can I get a happy birthday?" NO. You fucking can't, because 1)asking someone to say it means it won't be sincere and 2)you are now in my eyes extremely self centered and I want you to go the fuck away.  

That's really all I have to say about that without just repeating how unbelievably narcissistic it is to announce that it's your birthday.

LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

My love. (Something I need to get off my chest) [Oct. 21st, 2012|12:57 pm]
Courtney Lynne
[Feeling: |aggravatedaggravated]
[Noise: |Doctor P – Flying Spaghetti Monster]

I would like to thank DDR for my love of EDM.

Yup, you read that correctly; I owe my love of dance music to a video game.

This started in middle school. I remember playing DDR with a friend, and loving the music. I went home and searched online for some kickin' DDR tunes. Butterfly and Dam Dariram, I'm lookin' at you. <3

Now, this is way back when there was no Beat Port, no This Song is Sick, no Gotta Dance Dirty, none of that. If I remember correctly, Google didn't even exist. If it did, it was nowhere as big and useful as it is today. Youtube for sure didn't exist, and there was no early-stage equivalent, either. It took talent to find gems online, a talent I admit I had. Of course, Kazaa helped.

For those who didn't know: Kazaa was a(n illegal) P2P program(the same as Napster; Kazaa showed up after Napster shut down) that let you enter a search, then download the results. Downloading music(or pictures, videos, and programs) was a risky business. You had a VERY limited amount to choose from, and most of it was porn, a virus, or corrupted noise. Anyone else remember downloading a song and getting nothing but that awful feedback noise when you hit play? Killed one too many downloads because of that.

When I say it was a limited download amount, I'm not exaggerating. Take a popular song like Zombie Nation, and try to search for it right now. Seriously, do it.
Google alone brings up about 26,300,000 results in .21 seconds, 62k of those being videos featuring the song.
When I was in middle school, a Kazaa search would take about 10-15 minutes, you would probably get about 10, and you would be lucky to get 2 decent copies of the song; the rest was that awful feedback noise, or porn. Once you found the song you wanted, the download could take anywhere from a few minutes, to a few weeks. That is, if you're lucky enough to find the song available in the first place. Most songs weren't. So believe me when I say that finding music back then was a serious task that took time and patience.

Which I apparently had a lot of, because middle school and early high school were huge musical discovery periods for me, all thanks to the internet. I was the kid people would come to to have their CDs burned, or to find that one song they were looking for. But it was never EDM with my friends. It was always AFI, or Evanescence, or Linkin Park. No one was interested in Scooter, David Guetta(you fucking heard me), or any of my other "spaz music," as it was so lovingly termed.

I was positively infatuated with dance music, and since I had come to terms with the fact none of my friends were, I was perfectly content with jumping around my bedroom to HHC by myself. Sure, I had friends who loved DDR, and even liked the music, but that was as far into my world as they dared ventured. It was lonely, but I was in love, dammit!

Then I found out late one night after stumbling across a random article about ravers, that there was an entire movement around the music. WHAT?! Why hadn't I known this, and where can I go to party?! Oh. Right. The UK. California. Michigan. Basically no southern state because we suck. Living in Texas, and being young with NO friends interested, I was stuck admiring from afar.

My infatuation stuck, and grew exponentially over the years. I had a couple friends who I had shown songs to that were like "yeah, that's cool!" but still knew no rabid fans, like myself. I remember a couple people on Anime League that completely fascinated me, because they were immersed in the scene while I stood back sadly watching my fellow EDM freaks bask in the glory of dancing their faces off the entire night in a warehouse full of people just like them. I wanted that unity, dammit. I wanted it bad. I never got it, and ultimately regret it that I didn't, now that I see EDM moving to the forefront of the music industry, and the parties being warped into all kinds of massive events.

I look around me now, and SO many of my friends, of people in general, are into EDM. That's fine. I think it's great that I can now share an interest with so many people close to me. However, the same people who wanted nothing to do with it when I was running down the hallways at school singing Fischerspooner, are now so into it that they act like elitists. You want to hate on David Guetta because he went "mainstream"? Where the fuck were you when Just a Little More Love came out? Oh, that's right, you weren't interested. But now you are, and want to hate on some one to seem like you care so much about the way the scene is going.

In Dallas, there used to be a "club" called Afterlife. Now, I put club in quotation marks, because this was no club. It was three warehouses situated around a large patch of open gravel road, surrounded by a chain link fence, and open to the sky. The buildings each had their own theme, awesome black light paint and lights, and booming sound systems that went on until 2-4am. One of the warehouses was entirely taken up by a bounce house. Sounds awesome? It fucking was.
I only got the chance to go a couple of times, mainly because I didn't know about the place, as I had given up on actively looking for places like that. I had found out about it from a few friends, who had been going for the course of a year without ever saying a damn word about it until they started bitching about how much they hated the place because of the younger crowd.

Now, I was enraged by this. Here my friends had the chance to enjoy something I had been longing for since middle school, and they were acting like jaded snobs about it. You hate a venue because of the people there? WHY? How can you sit there and let the people around you hinder your experience? They're young and dumb, but they aren't hurting you. No 15 year old has ever come up to you and purposefully ruined your night. You wanna bitch about e-tards ruining your vibe, really? You...you're bitching about people who are all cuddles, hugs, and love. How can a happy person ruin your vibe, unless you're sending out bad fucking vibes?

(I'll finish this later. Grr.)
LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

Courtney on acid, while on acid. [Sep. 29th, 2012|09:43 pm]
Courtney Lynne
[Feeling: |anxiousanxious]

So, here's my experience the first time I tried LSD.

I dropped half a hit at 4pm. Yes, half. I have a low substance tolerance and wanted to feel it out first, especially because I was doing this alone. 15 minutes later, I could tell it was taking effect. My skin felt odd and clammy, and I could sense my perception shifting. I felt a little anxious since I was alone and didn't know what to expect, so I was doing a lot of arguing in my head and nervous pacing. There were a lot of shifts from the bed to the floor at this point.

About 45 minutes to an hour in I felt sick enough that I felt I needed to vomit, but every time I tried I could not. I was cold and clammy, and honestly the way my skin was crawling on top of the odd visual perception made me feel like I had taken a weak hit of ecstacy. A lot of "Oh god, this was a terrible idea. I feel shitty and I'm probably going to feel like this all night. Is there a way to stop it?" was going through my head at this point, in between lying on my side on the ground and shuffling to the bathroom, trying to vomit.

After the initial sick wave passed, I forced myself up and ate a couple blueberry waffles, turned the heater on, locked all the doors, and turned on Amedeus on the big screen. Wrapped myself up in a huge comforter on the recliner and settled down to watch the movie.

Now, this a 3-hour long movie. By the time I was at the halfway mark, I was convinced that not only was I mute(I hadn't uttered a single word since I dropped), but that the entire night had passed and that dawn was approaching. A quick look at the clock tells me that it has in fact only been 2 hours since I dropped. Hmm. I had my cell phone close at hand and had been anxious enough to let my best friend know that I had dropped alone, and that she should check up on me every once in a while via text, which she did(I'm extremely paranoid, but she's awesome for doing that for me nonetheless).

So 2 and a half hours in, and I feel oddly displaced and still feel generally sick. I keep getting hit with these waves of sleepiness that reminds me none too subtly of the first time I did shrooms. There isn't too much going on visually, which is to be expected for such a low dose. Moving things out of the corner of my eye catch my attention more often than not, and walking into lit rooms versus the dark room I am in feels very odd. I do notice that when I stop and focus things are breathing a bit, but this aspect lasted only a few hours in.

3 hours in I found out, through incessant facebook squabbling, that I speak rather eloquently while on LSD versus any other time. While an interesting discovery, so far the general sickly feeling has overridden anything potentially awesome about this drug. This is also the time where the RIDICULOUS sinus drainage kicked in. Loads and loads of mucus is constantly draining through the back of my throat, and having just had my septum pierced not even two days ago and unable to blow my nose properly, this part sucks all the harder. I find myself constantly adjusting the volume on the movie, because when it gets too loud it makes me feel like I'm going to vomit all over myself. Disgusting, I know.

The movie (finally) ended as I rounded out the fourth hour, and I still was generally not enjoying the mild trip. I muted the movie and let the credits play out, while I chatted with a couple friends.

9:30pm, five hours in and I am sitting here typing this up. I generally still feel slightly displaced, and am still very cold and have a ton of sinus drainage still. For the most part, though, I feel it has passed.

To put it simply, I feel this is not a drug I would enjoy. There were times when I felt like I had taken a weak hit of ecstacy with DXM, and it was not a pleasant feeling. A lot of it was sitting and waiting for it to be over so I could go to bed. I thoroughly hope that this unpleasant experience was due to my own anxiety and to only taking a half hit. Even if it is, it's not something I wish to give another chance anytime soon.

In hindsight: I should have taken the other half when I felt it hit me, but it came on so quickly and felt so unpleasant; I felt that if I took the other half it would amplify the shitty feelings, and it would last longer. So, I didn't. Logic'd.
LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

(no subject) [Apr. 7th, 2012|12:29 pm]
Courtney Lynne
Spring cleaning sale! I am in the process of purging myself of material possesions, so I will not accept trades.

(One exception to that rule - if you have Sailor Moon merchandise I will definitely entertain a trade if it's something I do not already own. If it is any of the Sailor Moon R series manga, it is an automatic accept for a trade.)

I accept paypal ONLY. If we arrange a trade, we will arrange a date to sent out both items at the same time.

All magazines and manga are in excellent condition, unless otherwise stated.
All magazines are back issues from 2003-2006! I haven't bought any kind of magazine for years. They've been in boxes and on bookshelves since I bought them, and I never touch them.

All manga are $5USD plus shipping unless otherwise stated.

Dragon Voice #1
Gate Keepers #1
Kodocha #1
Gravitation #1
Vampire Game #1
Tsubasa #1
The Abandoned #1
The Wallflower #1, #2, #3
Love Hina #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8
Saint Tail #1, #3
Miracle Girls #1
Card Captor Sakura #1
Rozen Maiden #1, #2, #3
Chobits #1, #2, #3
Rorouni Kenshin #1
Bizenghast #1
Kill Me, Kiss Me #1
Little Queen #1
Juvenile Orion #1
Loveless #1
Forbidden Dance #1, #2, #3, #4
Hellsing #1, #2
xXxHolic #1
Di Gi Charat #1
Boys Be #1
Mars #1
Princess Resurrection #1
Angel Sanctuary #1, #2
Excel Saga #2, #3
Magic Knight Rayearth #2
Magic Knight Rayearth #1, #3, #6 - These are VERY SLIGHTLY worn, and are the larger left-to-right versions, vs. the smaller "pocket sized". They are $3USD each.

Sailor Moon: Scouts on Film pocket novel #6 - $1USD(This is NOT a graphic novel. It is an english short novel based off the series. It's written for kids, so if you have a kid who likes to read or likes Sailor Moon, this is a cute story.)
Tokyopop Sneaks 2004 Volume 2. - Free to anyone who wants it. Contains previews of Kill Me, Kiss Me, Shutterbox, Sgt Frog, Crescent Moon, Demon Ororon, DN Angel, Eerie Queerie, Girl Got Game, Paradise Kiss, Princess Ai, Pshycic Academy, Saiyuki.

All Shonen Jump and Shojo Beat are $3USD plus shipping

Shonen Jump July 2003, Volume 1, Issue 7
Shonen Jump August 2003, Volume 1, Issue 8
Shonen Jump February 2004, Volume 2, Issue 2
Shonen Jump March 2004, Volume 2, Issue 3
Shonen Jump August 2004, Volume 2 Issue 8
Shonen Jump April 2005, Volume 3, Issue 4
Shonen Jump May 2005, Volume 3, Issue 5
Shonen Jump May 2006, Volume 4, Issue 5

Shojo Beat August 2005, Volume 1, Issue 2
Shojo Beat September 2005, Volume 1, Issue 3
Shojo Beat October 2005, Volume 1, Issue 4
Shojo Beat November 2005, Volume 1, Issue 5

These magazines are entirely in japanese, and are all in excellent, almost new, condition.
Gosu Rori, Volume 3(sewing patterns included in book, never used) - $10USD
Cure Magazine - Volume 34(Hide Memorial 2006) - $10USD
Cure Magazine - Volume 37(2006.8.21) - $10USD
Shoxx Magazine - Volume 170(2007; Despairs Ray on front) - $7USD

English Gothic & Lolita Bible - Winter 2009 - All sewing patterns included are still fully intact in book.

Clamp no kiseki(The Exhibition of Clamp's Works 1989-2004) - Volume 10 - Bottom corner is slightly warped from moisture. - $3USD

Newtype USA, Dec. 2005, Volume 4, Issue 12 - $4USD

Angel Sanctuary Angel Cage Art Book(Has some small scratch marks on back cover. Otherwise in excellent condition) - $13USD

I also have a Mad Catz dance pad for Playstation 2 that has only been used a handful of times for sale. $15USD

If you would like pictures of anything, please email me at CLMahurin@gmail.com or leave a comment!
Link3 tied up|Whips, chains, handcuffs...

(no subject) [Mar. 17th, 2012|05:14 pm]
Courtney Lynne
What happened to all the beautiful & soulful love songs?

At the risk of sounding like one of those people that's always bitching about today's artists and music: Music used to be and expression of emotion that took actual talent to perform.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of EDM and have nothing against the artists. I just feel like we are oversatured with electrontic means of doing things. It's easier and cheaper to make current Pop, EDM and Hip-hop than it is to make Soul, Blues, R&B, and Jazz.

A lot of music today uses a sound board/computer and someone to lay a vocal track. Unless it's in the EDM category, in which case a vocal track is not a requirement.

I'm not saying artists these days suck, just that well...okay, yeah, most of them do suck. Anyone can talk sexy into a mic. and then lay it over a computer-made track. It takes talent to put together a group of people to put their heart into something and put together beautiful music.

Come on guys, get at the piano or the guitar, or learn to play something, or learn to sing! I'm begging you.

LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

(no subject) [Mar. 7th, 2012|09:55 pm]
Courtney Lynne
[Feeling: |lethargiclethargic]

I hate it when people complain about ads on a site they have free use of.

Yeah, we all get it, ads can be annoying. But that site you're on all day that you and a million+ other users a day aren't paying a dime to use? Yeah, that shit costs money. And do you know how they pay for that since you aren't paying to use it? Fucking advertisements.

So shut up about ads, or start coughing up some money, you freaking leeches!
LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

Writer's Block: Weatherman’s Day [Feb. 26th, 2012|12:26 am]
Courtney Lynne
[Feeling: |mellowmellow]
[Noise: |Calvin Harris - You Used to Hold Me]

What is the weather like right now?

Well, it's late February, and over the past two weeks, our temperature has ranged from 74 to 46.

I hate Texas weather, I truly do. The other day I walked ten miles in jeans and a t-shirt and had no need for a jacket; and then an hour after I got home from said walk the temperature dropped and I've been walking around with a blanket since.
It's always back and forth, back and forth. I bring a jacket and umbrella everywhere with me because it gets cold or rains randomly all the time.

I would like to live somewhere that doesn't really get cold too much. Here it drops to the 40's and 30's in the winter; which to most people is nothing, but I have a jacket on when it's anything below 75 because I am a pansy. Hehe.

What is the weather like right now?
LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

Online SOPA/PIPA petition grows.. [Jan. 18th, 2012|09:17 am]
Courtney Lynne
[Feeling: |anxiousanxious]

As of this morning Wikipedia, PopURLs, Reddit, Explosm, Boing Boing, Craigslist, 4chan, Imgur and Wimp are all participating in the online blackout today. I'm sure there are tons of websites out there participating(one article cited that thousands of sites are participating, but who knows how reliable that is), but finding them all would be a daunting task.
On top of the blackouts, many more sites have banners with anti-SOPA information at the top of their sites, usually including a link to petitions and emails to congress.
What saddens me about this, though, is the fact that so many huge user-generated websites are refusing to participate. Facebook & Twitter the big hitters in that. Seeing huge websites that millions of North Americans use everyday shut down for an entire day would more than do the job to raise awareness - and that's the whole point of the blackouts, to raise awareness and get people involved in stopping these bills in their tracks. It's upsetting to see sites like Twitter and Facebook that could do so much do so little simply because they are afraid of losing a days revenue. Shame on them.
It's also a little disheartening to see Google's part in the action. Yes, they have a link to a petition on their main page, and their logo is censored. But that's it. A small text link on the main page, and a blacked out logo. Google is also used by millions of people, and now all the people who either use Chrome or Google toolbar to search don't see that link because they don't go to the main page, plus all the people who overlook the link even if they do see it, because it is simply a small text link at the bottom of the page that reads "Tell Congress: Please don't censor the web!" Really, Google? You can do better than that!

If you haven't already, do your part! Sign a petition, call your congressman, post on your LJ, Facebook, Twitter. Let's get these bills stopped!

Click the image to sign Google's anti-SOPA petition!
LinkWhips, chains, handcuffs...

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